Stop Telling Women They Don't Need Botox

A few weeks ago I was at a networking event, and someone offered me a glass of wine. I said no thank you, I'm not drinking tonight, I have a Botox appointment tomorrow. You're not supposed to drink for 24 hours before, and I know I'm probably one of the only people who actually respects that rule, but I try my best.

And they did the thing. They tilted their head and said, "Oh, but you don't need Botox."

It just came out of my mouth: "That's why I don't need it, because I already have it."

Because it makes no sense, right? You're looking at a face that already has the Botox in it, and you're telling me I don't need the thing that's making it look like that.

It's like the gym

Think about a guy who's super muscular. He tells you he goes to the gym every day, and you say, "Oh, but you don't need the gym."

Well, yes he does. That's why he has the muscles. The day he stops going is the day you'd start to see why he went.

Nobody would say that to him, though. Nobody tells a runner she doesn't need to run because she looks so fit. With exercise, we understand that the result and the effort are the same thing. But when a woman does something to her face, suddenly the result is supposed to be natural, and the effort is supposed to be optional, or even a little bit embarrassing.

Nobody looks like that for free

I don't think people mean anything bad by it. Most of the time it's kindness, and I take it as kindness.

But I think "you don't need it" comes from the idea that some women are just naturally beautiful, and the rest of us are trying to catch up. And honestly, I don't think that woman exists. Not in that way. Very rarely, like almost never, is it just natural.

Think about the face cream ads. You see a famous actress with perfect skin, and she's telling you it's the cream. And it's not the cream. Cream doesn't work that well. She's had things done, and the cream is just the part they can sell you.

Beauty like that isn't free. It costs money, it costs time, and a lot of the time it hurts. Dolly Parton said it best: "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap." She was joking about herself, but she was also one of the few being honest about it.

So when you tell me I don't need it, what you're actually looking at is everything I already did.

Why I do it anyway

For me, it isn't only about looking young. Being in front of a camera is part of my work, and part of how I express myself, and I like the way I look when I do these things. There are some things that make me feel beautiful, so I do those. It's that simple.

I'm not telling anyone they should. If you never touch your face and you love it, that's wonderful, and honestly I'm a little jealous of your pain tolerance going unused. But I chose this, I pay for it, and I sit in that chair on purpose. It's mine.

So what do you say instead?

If a friend tells you she just had Botox, or a filler, or a peel, and she looks great, you don't have to pretend she never needed it. You can just tell her it's working.

"It looks really good on you." "Whoever does yours is good." Or my favourite, "Oh, so that's your secret."

That's the compliment. Not that she doesn't need it, but that she's doing it well.

"You're not seeing me without it. You're seeing me with it." — Marian

So the next time someone tells me I don't need Botox, I think I'll just say, "Thank you, that means it's working." And then I'll say no to the wine one more time, because I have an appointment tomorrow.

What do you get told about the things you do to feel beautiful? Tell me in the comments, I'm really curious.