The Study Says Married Mothers Are the Happiest — But Not for the Reason You Think

Master said something last week that I can't stop thinking about. A woman told him she wanted to be saved. He asked her: saved from what?

She couldn't answer.

There's a study — from the Institute for Family Studies, conducted with YouGov data on thousands of women — that found married mothers are nearly twice as likely to say they're "very happy" compared to single, childless women. The headlines ran with it. Married moms win. Case closed.

But I read the actual study, and what jumped out at me wasn't the motherhood part. It was the why.

These women reported more physical touch. More sense of purpose. More daily presence. Less loneliness. They felt cared for, connected, seen. And yes — they got a lot of that from their children.

But here's what I keep coming back to: every single thing on that list is something you should be getting from your partner.

Touch? That's your relationship. Purpose? That should exist before a baby arrives. Deep connection? That's the whole point of choosing someone. These women aren't happier because they became mothers. They're happier because motherhood finally gave them what their relationship wasn't providing.

And that, to me, is the real story.

Meanwhile, women's happiness has been declining for thirty-five years. That's not my opinion — that's a study from the National Bureau of Economic Research tracking decades of data. Women have more freedom, more education, more career options than any previous generation. And they're less happy.

Master and I have talked about this a hundred times. The girlboss culture tells women to do everything — lead the boardroom, run the house, raise the kids, keep the romance alive, build a brand, stay fit, be independent, never need anyone. And what happens? Both partners end up living separate lives under the same roof. You're teammates on paper, strangers in practice. No deep connection. No physical touch. No sense of being held.

So what does she do? She has a baby.

Not because she desperately wanted one. Because the baby fills the void. The baby needs her, touches her, gives her purpose, makes her feel less alone at 3 a.m. The baby becomes the relationship she wasn't getting from the man standing right next to her.

And then there's the Prince Charming contradiction. Women want to be saved — but they don't know from what. I watched The Housemaid recently, with Sydney Sweeney, and there's this scene where her character walks into a high-end restaurant in six-inch stilettos like she's been wearing them her whole life. But the character just got out of prison. She's never worn heels.

Master made me train in heels. Walking up and down the hills of Westmount in Montreal until I could do it without thinking. Because you don't just show up and become that woman. You work for it. Being "saved" isn't someone swooping in and removing all your problems. It's someone helping you save yourself — and that means you have to do the hard things.

Most women who say they want to be saved really mean they want someone to handle their taxes, their rent, their adult responsibilities. And I get it — nobody loves adulting. But that's not a fairy tale. That's outsourcing. And the men who actually show up to "save" someone with nothing — no direction, no purpose, no plan — those men are usually not Prince Charming. They're someone who wants control for the wrong reasons.

The real version looks more like what Master and I have. He didn't save me from a tower. He helped me build myself up from the ground. That required submission — real, conscious submission. Trust that he would lead well. Willingness to do the hard work. And an understanding that being saved means becoming someone worth saving.

So when I look at that happiness study through this lens, the answer isn't "have a baby." The answer is: find the right partner first. A man who is invested in your growth. A relationship built on trust, deep connection, and presence. The kind of bond where you don't need a child to fill the gap — because there is no gap.

The baby should be the bonus. Not the solution.

Sources:

In Pursuit: Marriage, Motherhood, and Women's Well-Being — Institute for Family Studies
The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness — National Bureau of Economic Research

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