The Valentine's Day Submission Nobody Wants to Admit
The Valentine's Day Submission Nobody Wants to Admit
I have a poll running right now asking if Valentine's Day is about submission. As I'm recording this, it's 50-50. But after I share what I'm about to tell you, that's going to change.
Because Valentine's Day is absolutely about submission, and the data proves it.
Here's what Valentine's Day actually looks like: Women want men to read their minds and create the most beautiful Disney princess-type date imaginable. They want the rocks, the purses, the sushi, the champagne, the hotel room, the rose petals, the bathtub, the massage. They want to be spoiled rotten.
And if he doesn't deliver? She's going to be mad. Disappointed. Angry. She might even question the entire relationship.
Valentine's Day is a female holiday. There are maybe three men on earth who actually enjoy Valentine's Day because all the pressure is on them. They have to do all the planning, all the doing. And then women are like, "Oh no, no, we're independent. We want to split everything equally."
But when Valentine's Day comes? It's like someone switched the cassette tape. Completely different energy.
The statistics back this up perfectly:
39% of women are disappointed when their partner doesn't do "enough" for Valentine's Day. Versus only 13% of men. What is "enough"? Apparently it's the Rolls Royce, the dinner, the flowers. How is the guy you're dating — who you know isn't a prince — supposed to have all this money for one day? He's probably still paying off last year's Valentine's Day on his credit card.
24% of women want HIM to plan Valentine's Day. That makes sense. That's what Valentine's Day is about. Only 14% of men want their partner to plan it. Those are the guys who've given up. They're like, "Fuck this. I'm not planning anything. You decide, because you're going to be pissed anyway."
Here's the fascinating contradiction that nobody wants to talk about: Valentine's Day is a holiday where the woman is submissive. But it's not because the guy does everything that makes HIM submissive — it's the reverse.
You want the man to do all these things. You want him to propose on Valentine's Day. You want him to bring you gifts. You want him to lead, plan, surprise, and delight you.
But the rest of the year? "No, you don't get to lead. I choose where we go to dinner. I don't want to go to a taco place. I don't feel like it tonight."
If the guy hasn't been making these decisions for the rest of the year, he probably has no idea where to take you — because you've been choosing everything. So Valentine's Day becomes this weird one-day experiment in traditional gender roles that everyone pretends isn't happening.
The broader relationship data tells the real story: 63% of women feel frustrated in relationships versus 46% of men. 33% of women feel resentful versus 22% of men. But men feel more listened to (79% versus 65%) and are happier in relationships overall (87% versus 76%).
Maybe the problem isn't traditional roles. Maybe the problem is pretending we don't want them.
I know couples who say they're "boycotting Valentine's Day" because it's too commercial. But usually what happens is she ends up crying at night because she didn't get flowers or special attention. Even though she's like, "No, no, I'm over this. I don't want this."
It's not true. Women are not over this and they don't not want this.
Unless you're a couple that really communicates and has something deeper, if you forget Valentine's Day, she's going to be mad. And when she says she doesn't want Valentine's Day, it's not true.
There is no woman who doesn't want a little something for Valentine's Day. It's impossible.
For Master and me, every evening is like Valentine's Day. We're always planning what we're eating for dinner, where we're going, what we're doing. But if you're not in that situation — if you don't have that daily connection and quality time — she's going to be mad if you ignore Valentine's Day.
Here's my controversial take: if you're against submission, you should boycott Valentine's Day. Not because it's commercial — that's the surface-level complaint. But because it's fundamentally a submission holiday.
The woman submits to being surprised, delighted, and cared for. She gives up control and lets him lead for one night. She receives instead of managing. She appreciates instead of directing.
And you know what? The data shows this structure works. When he takes charge and plans something romantic, when he leads and she follows, both people are happier than when they try to split everything equally and pretend there are no natural dynamics at play.
Critics call this "benevolent sexism." That treating her like she's special is somehow demeaning. That she should plan her own romantic evening in the name of equality.
The result? Women are MORE frustrated. MORE resentful. MORE disappointed.
Maybe it's time to admit that Valentine's Day has built-in roles for a reason. He plans, he surprises, he leads. She receives, she appreciates, she's delighted. This isn't oppression — it's the structure that makes the holiday actually work.
The question isn't whether Valentine's Day involves submission. The question is whether you're brave enough to admit it.
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