Why Your Wife Might Leave You After Reading My Book

I have a card now. It says I am an author, it has my name, my book title, my email. I hand it to a man at a bar, he reads Why Submissive Women Are Happier, and almost every single one says the exact same thing.

"I'll give it to my wife." — every man, apparently

And then he laughs. I do not laugh, because there is something genuinely backwards happening in that sentence, and I want to walk you through it.

A submissive is not a slave

When a man hears submissive, his mind usually goes to one of two places. The bedroom, where she just lets him do whatever he wants. Or worse, a kind of house slave who cooks, cleans, brings the beer, and raises the kids while he does nothing.

Let me be clear, because this is the whole misunderstanding.

"There's a purpose to submission. There's no purpose to slavery." — Marian

Everybody, honestly, would love a slave. Nobody wants the responsibility of being someone's master. But slavery has no growth in it, no empowerment, nothing. My book is not about handing your wife another chore so you can stand there waiting for your beer. That is not submission. A submissive submits toward something, with a man who is actively leading her somewhere.

So why isn't she happy already?

Here is the question that pops into my head every time a man says he will make his wife read it. If submissive women are happier, and you want a submissive wife, then why isn't she happy right now? What have you been offering her?

"Don't you want to be the master of your wife?" — Marian

Because submission requires a power exchange. There has to be something in it. When I met Master, he had knowledge, he had a business, he had skills in the arts, all things I genuinely wanted. That is what made me want to submit to him. If a man brings nothing, leads nowhere, and just hands his wife a book, he is not asking her to submit. He is asking her to do homework.

"Maybe she's just going to find another master, because you made her read it and you didn't." — Marian

That is the real risk. She reads it, she understands what conscious submission actually is, she looks up at the man who could not even be bothered to read it himself, and she leaves to find a man who can lead.

You cannot make an equal submit

A lot of men chose an already-finished woman. Beautiful, independent, her own career, her own money, a salary as high as his or higher. And then they wonder why she will not submit.

"How can she be submissive to you if she's putting in as much as you?" — Marian

She cannot. Not in a real, whole-life partnership. You can both play at it in the bedroom on a Saturday night, dominant or submissive for a few hours, everyone can do that. But a true master and submissive dynamic needs a genuine difference in what each person brings. If you provide nothing but a father figure and a paycheck, that is not enough to lean on, and she knows it.

Know your worth as a master

So before you hand anyone my book, answer the real question: what are you worth as a man?

"It's not only money. It's also skills. It's also wisdom." — Marian

Money counts, and if money is your offer, fine, but then you are competing with the Ferraris and the business-class flights, so know your number. But it does not have to be money. It can be knowledge, a craft, life experience, languages, places you can take her that she could never reach alone. When Master and I met, he had his motorcycle license, so I went and got mine, and we rode for years. That is a master offering something real, and a woman choosing to learn under him.

"He didn't promise me the moon. He knew who he was and what he could give, and it just so happened that's what I wanted." — Marian

I am not the kind of feminist who is against men. I am the kind who is for them. Which is exactly why I will not let a man walk away thinking the fix is making his wife read a book. The fix is becoming the kind of man a woman would choose to submit to. Do that, and she would have submitted to you a long time ago.

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